I'm a year older, and my car is getting the presents

Prologue
Ever so observant of my car's condition, I have recently been obsessing that my brakes are wearing thin. I didn't hear the "familiar horrifying screech" that most often accompanies this milestone (a purposely engineered sound), but some brake pads don't have warning; they just start to grind. Every once in a while I would brake at low speeds and I could swear it was a-grindin'. My baby is in trouble! I immediately sought a diagnosis from my trusted mechanic and spared no expense*

.... yeah, right! If that had happened, there would be no story. I had final exams to worry about and no money, so I waited for a couple months until I had some free time** and found a sweet coupon for a free tire rotation and brake inspection (cue Jaws music here). I knew what I was entering into, I knew the risks (mechanic must make money for service), I did it anyway. Of course they thought the brakes had to be replaced AND they still had my car up on blocks (a nice bargaining chip on their part) so as to quickly and efficiently perform said service for me... to the tune of $265.71.

I don't care where you are from, that is insanity for a brake job. I looked at the estimate, and surmised (from my limited knowledge of brake repair) that there were some over-estimated parts costs (4 disc brake shoes don't cost $86, they cost half that) and some services that may be useful but may not be necessary. I was trapped. I 'fessed up: "I don't have that money, so you gotta give me 2 weeks" ... the mechanic looked worried, but said he thought my brakes could hold out that long. 15 minutes later I was riding home, feeling defeated. Then my car started squeaking, in that familiar horrifying screech-y way...how very convenient for the mechanic***

The Decision
I woke up on Wednesday feeling tricked and upset. Its my birthday, and Mr. Badwrench will not take this day from me. I ate my cereal and resolved to do the right thing. I would take my car to my trusted mechanic (Evans Auto), and explain the situation. He would pity me and make it right, for a reasonable fee.

But I didn't do that... for reasons I do not fully understand, and reasons I'm sure have nothing to do with logic. Instead, I started surfing the inter-nets, looking at brake pad prices ($30 - $40 for my car) and do it yourself testimonials. I looked again at my estimate and my blood boiled. This is way too much to pay! Other people do this themselves for pennies! I'm smart; why can't I do it too? I will not be taken advantage of; I will exact revenge by doing the opposite! I can do it! I felt capable and happy. I also had something to do today****

Preparation
I coached myself all the way to the brake supply, not wanting to reveal myself for what I actually was, a newbie with a socket set and a chip on my shoulder. Bought brakes, saved money, didn't look like a fool, and I was riding home, feeling great! Next stop, my local public library...

My older brother taught me many things*****, one of the most important of these I learned when I was an adult. When faced with a do-it-yourself task that you have no business performing, decades of training and experience can be replaced by a book spree at the library. Steve would often opt for checking out 8-16 inches of books (imagine them laying flat on the table, one on top of the other); and so would I. This fundamentally appeals to me, being able to "become a mechanic" through the might of my intellect and my ability to sit still enough to read large volumes of information for long periods of time. I left the library feeling I had already made this fool-hearty decision pay off, because if nothing else I would understand brakes much better and knowledge IS power.

(a great way to spend a Sunday evening: go to youtube, and enter "Schoolhouse Rock" under the search term. You're welcome)

Oh...crap
Putting a perfect plan into action in an imperfect world works out to be a cycle of euphoria, panic, self-loathing, and resolution.

Euphoria: I got my tire off, my brake caliper open, and I replaced the first set of brake pads in record time. This is a "happy time." See below for the new to old comparison. Technically I had more life left in these pads, but "some how" the one indicator managed to be squeaking...grrr, those filthy bad untrustworthy... I should have gone to my mechanic.


Panic: I am closing up the caliper, and tightening the last bolt (set human "torque wrench" to 80 ft-lbs). Just a little tighter, pause, maybe just a little tighter, pause, just one more *bam* the tension from the bolt gives way, as the overtightened bolt begins to shear apart -

- a torque wrench is specially designed to release tension at a given torque, protecting a bolt from an overzealous bolt tightener. This tool, $50 at your local hardware store, was specifically called for in the instructions. I disregarded these instructions and relied foolishly on my own discretion -

- at the exact moment the bolt began to shear, a wave of nausea rose from my stomach. In that split second, I was immediately aware that I had doubled my costs, and had firmly established myself as the foolish do-it-yourself moron.

Self-loathing: This is the worst part of doing something yourself. This is why you pay someone else to do something for you. And for me, this is a time when I realize that my dream of assimilating years of experience through a couple books is not possible, it is arrogance. The only antidote to arrogance is painful, costly, and embarrassing experience.

Resolution: For those seeking spiritual enlightenment, humility must be learned at some point. Humility is most effectively taught at the counter of NAPA auto parts. My one bolt cost around $16, and came with three parts I didn't need. Why? Well, they don't make very many of them, because they are rarely purchased by professionals who read and follow directions!!! I consider this to be a form of taxation. Wanna do something vastly beyond your skillset? Feel free! But please be prepared to pay "fools tax" for every stupid mistake you make. Add the $50 torque wrench - because Mark learns from his mistakes - and I was ready for a quick end to to misery.

The bolt replaced nicely, and I finished the second side with only one problem; the one bolt I had sheared on the left wheel wouldn't loosen on the right wheel. I sheared my sockets this time, and used half a bottle of penetrating oil trying to loosen the bugger. Then...finally...it was over.

Epilogue
I ended up spending $40 for replacement pads and brake grease, $50 for a new torque wrench, and $16 for my replacement bolt - well under the estimate from the bad mechanic, but nearing the ballpark of my trusted mechanic's usual fees (for work done on other cars). I don't have much interest in doing another brake job, but I'm glad I did this one.

Emotionally, it was a roller coaster, but I grew from it and learned that the trusted mechanic should be a first choice, not a last resort. I also learned a ton about brakes and my car. I now feel closer to my hunk of metal, plastic, and rubber. Oddly, my mistake-ridden success has left me feeling more confident as a handyman, if for the one reason that I would know next time how to do a proper job. This is how I often feel at the end of such projects: relief, humility, a touch of fear, and more confidence in myself.

And fatigue.

*Do what I say and not what I do. Find a good mechanic and show him/her some love (money).
**read: I'm between schools (summer break?) and unemployed. I have much free time.
***conspiracy theory 1: the jerk used his vise-grip to "help" the warning strip into a place he felt more accurately indicated when I should replace my brakes.
****I'm juggling applications too, but really I just apply, call-back, and wait. I need a diversion from the anxiety and self-hatred that is job hunting
*****One of these life lessons was that older siblings may pin younger siblings to the ground, lick their faces, and let the saliva dry (yes, it was disgusting) as part of their birthright.